Last week, I got my fallopian tubes removed. I had this procedure done for two reasons. One reason is for permanent birth control and the even bigger reason was to prevent cancer.
When my mom got her cancer diagnosed in 2001 and had it removed it was on her colon, appendix, ovaries, uterus, and fallopian tubes. Cancer doesn’t have a start and finish line so we never knew where it started.
After her death, my sister and I have done anything we can to prevent getting cancer and have got check ups and colonoscopies. All the while, I have asked my doctor what I can do about ovarian cancer screening. My doctor said that there is not much you can do about ovarian cancer and that it was a silent killer which was not what I wanted to hear.
Fast forward to this past summer. I was on a plane flying home on my birthday. I was turning 45 and my birthday has always been an emotional day for me. I don’t always feel in a celebratory mood. I got on the plane and decided to watch a documentary that I had been holding off on because it is a terribly sad story that involves cancer. Yes, I know it might seem weird for me to want to watch this on my birthday but this is what I wanted to do. The documentary is called “Come See Me In The Good Light.” It’s about Andrea Gibson and her ovarian diagnosis. The movie was life changing in so many good ways. Her strength and vulnerability was inspiring beyond words.
The movie was exactly as long as my flight. We landed and were siting on the plane and I looked up Andrea Gibson on instagram while we waited to get up. I knew already that she had passed away. I learned that same day that Red Rocks was hosting an event with the Colorado Symphony, singers, and Andrea’s “Love Letter From the Afterlife” (a film of her reading her poetry out loud). To say she changed and is changing peoples lives is an understatement.
I later found the song from the movie featuring her poetry with Brandi Carlile and Sara Bareilles. The song is called “Salt Then Sour Then Sweet.” I played it on repeat for days and fell in love with Andrea’s story. I also fell in love with Brandi Carlile. The music and poetry reminded me of how much I love to write and always have.
A couple weeks after my birthday, my sister in law was having dinner at my house. She is a nurse and I have spoken to her a few times about how there isn’t any screening for ovarian cancer. She was excited to tell me about some new research about ovarian cancer. She said how they are finding that the cancer grows from the fallopian tubes onto the ovaries and if you remove the tubes you can lesson your chance of ovarian cancer by 85%. I was shocked. I did some research and made an appointment with my gynecologist.
I was so nervous to have this done but I had an open mind. I went to my appointment and sure enough they told me what my research and sister in law had said. I also met with the surgeon and made my appointment for the surgery. When meeting with my surgeon she had me verify that if she found anything while preforming the surgery that I had her permission to remove it and do what was the best decision for me while I was under. I went home so overwhelmed by the appointment. Losing my mom to cancer at 21 has made me have heightened fear about cancer. It brought up a lot for me but I was able to face my fears and have the procedure done last week.
I feel so lucky in my life. To have insurance that covers this surgery 100% is huge. To also have this new research that could prevent this cancer is huge. To have people in my life who want to be there for me and help me is huge. To have time to rest and heal is huge.
On the day of the surgery I was in a place of gratitude. As they pushed me back for surgery I thought about how many people are used to going into surgery because they have health issues. As I was wheeled out to the car after surgery I thought about how some people are always in need of a wheel chair. I thought about my life in a way that made me want to live even fuller with my body and time on this earth.
I waste so much time being so serious and perfect. It is exhausting. I feel like moments like these can wake you up if you allow them to and I feel myself waking up to how beautiful my life is. Even if it wasn’t fun to have this done and there is some healing and risk I still feel like it was the right thing to do.
I have felt pretty sensitive lately. I am not loving taking things slow right now for two weeks as I heal but I know that this was worth it for me. 85% is a big number and I will do anything I can to prevent what happened to my mom and to Andrea and so many other people. I want to take care of my body and keep living as though life is a gift because it truly is.
For the first time, since I was 13 I never have to think about getting pregnant again. After years of infertility trying to conceive Theodore it is so strange as a woman to let the worry of pregnancy go. I have wanted to get pregnant so bad and equally not wanted it at all at different parts of my life. It is a win, win getting the procedure done and I am excited to step forward after this time and live with a little less fear. I still plan on getting my check ups but I feel so good about this step. It’s a very adult late birthday present this year and I embrace it with all my heart.
