This morning as I parked my car to take my dogs for a walk I glanced at the machines demolishing our towns outdoor swimming pool. I felt nostalgic thinking of all of the memories we have had at this place. It is where I got to feel a sense of community in the town when we first moved here. It is where I would feel deep peace and relaxation. It is where I would listen to children laugh as I watched my son with his friends enjoy the true meaning of summer. It is where one summer day, I was reading a book and had the most profound God moment crying under my sunglasses filled with joy and strong faith. It was the children’s laugher that always has been the best part of the pool.
I have to admit that I have grown to feel addicted to younger children’s joy. I taught yoga this summer at a camp and it filled me up so much. I would go to teach the kids something and like always I would leave knowing that with kids I almost always feel like a student.
Kids eventually grow up and get older. It’s not that I don’t love adults and feel they are important but there is something about being young that truly is special. To have dreams and to not care too much what others think. To be mostly thinking about how to have fun. Sigh…..it is a beautiful thing.
I was listening to Stevie Nix this morning and her song Landslide was sung but by a different artist. The cover of her song is by the artist, Dagny, and it truly spoke to me. Thinking about change and here she is singing exactly what I am feeling in this moment and even if I have heard the song so many times I listened differently today. “Well, I’ve been afraid of changing ’cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Children get older. I’m getting older too. Well, well, I’ve been afraid of changing ’cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Children get older. I’m getting older, too. Well I’m getting older too. So, take this love and take it down. Yeah and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around.”
I know you all have heard this song a million times. I remember listening to it when I was 15 when I was a hostess at a bar/ restaurant. The bartender had an old Stevie Nix VHS tape of her live in concert and I fell in love with this song. This morning though, I didn’t just hear it and sing along, I felt it deeply.
To realize that life is always changing may be scary or maybe you find it exciting. I guess sometimes when I love so deeply or enjoy moments I get attached. I am reminded that all things shall pass even the good moments. Life is about many ups and downs.
On my walk yesterday, I thought about how I truly want my goal to be to not get too high in the highs of life or too low in the lows. To be grounded in whatever comes my way. I am not saying that overnight this is going to happen but I will try. Life has a pattern and I see it. Today, I might be really happy and tomorrow I will feel different. To wish to feel like you did yesterday is a waste of time. You could do all the same things you did yesterday but not feel the high that it brought because we are supposed to feel many things and it isn’t always going to be a good feeling.
The Earth is ever changing. We have changed our planet in a million different ways. The planet is also changing itself with every moment. The only constant is change. You can fear it , or you can learn from it, and accept it.
I watch my son grow. He makes me proud but he also is learning life’s lessons on his own terms. I remember when I was a teen my parents had a hard time navigation the change. They truly didn’t know how to handle it. I remember with every mistake I made my mother started to look at me differently. I feel this is a great lesson for me as a mother today. To love unconditionally is to love even when someone makes mistakes. It is truly a hard thing but making mistakes is part of growing into a fully formed human being.
More than anything I have learned to not search for happiness in others. You must be happy with yourself and then whatever joy comes along has to be a bonus.
The pool is being upgraded and we will have a brand new one for next summer to make many more memories at. In the future, I will keep reminding myself that it isn’t the kids only that I love but how they bring out the kid in me that I love the most. I will continue to look at my son with deep love as he navigates this world and becoming a man. I will trust in the change that is coming with our home selling at the end of the month.
Bravely we all move forward. The train of life doesn’t stop because we want to hold onto a moment. Life is like a roller coaster ride that you can hold on tight to or just let go and enjoy the ride. I will chose to let go and enjoy the ride of change.
Arise Within 